You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
