Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
