He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Randomize