He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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