I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Did I show you my penis last night?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize