did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
And then my night got REAL pukey
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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