I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Randomize
