from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize