i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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