The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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