I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He keeps bees of course he's weird
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
