yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Randomize
