Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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