We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
