So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
