Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
