The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
