I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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