I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
she smelled like a LAN party
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
