you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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