We won't sleep together?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
