R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
