capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize