okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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