My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize