i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize