Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
