i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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