Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
