What a fucking waste of an outfit
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
