Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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