Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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