Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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