Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
do nipples grow back?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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