I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Randomize
