i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
