...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
