when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize