dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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