someone threw a dead crab at me
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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