I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
