how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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