My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
