if i can run in heels then i can drive
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
