dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
