and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
When are your genitals available?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
