jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
