i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
