This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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