i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
