We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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