How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
