Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
