I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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