is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize