There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize