I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
