Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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