So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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