I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
