Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
