I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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