i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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