it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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