Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
