Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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