I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Brb crying the tears of my youth
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
